I hate people that say, "Run Forrest, Run!"

Have you ever gone on a run out on a road? If so, have you ever been honked at or yelled at, or even almost hit? Has someone ever yelled at you, “Run Forrest, run!”? If this has ever happened to you, I am almost certain that it annoys you. This is going be my thoughts on those jerks that like to yell things at us runners, try to hit us and barely miss, and honk their horns at us.

Being a runner who wears running shorts I have heard absolutely everything from the quote above to, “who wears short shorts!?” Some runners, not myself, run with music just so they won’t hear these obscenities and “jokes.” But it is about time that someone takes a stance against these people who are trying to impress their friends, or think they are the best thing since sliced bread by yelling at the runner on the road or honking at them.

Let me first state that if you have a problem with runners or people out for some exercise, yelling out the window or honking the horn does not actually make us annoyed because we have heard it before. Instead of annoying us, it actually starts to make us mad. I understand if maybe you are trying to get our attention because you know who we are, but most likely, you’re just being an ass.

Do you want to know why we run? Well, most of us run because we actually enjoy it! I know, crazy concept. Some of us like to get up wicked early and get a nice little run in. And you want to know what else; it makes us feel pretty damn good about ourselves. While you are sleeping or sitting on the couch we are doing something beneficial for our body. Do you ever wonder why runners tend to be so thin? It’s because we run! So, if you are unhappy with yourself and make yourself feel better by sitting on the couch, or every time you see a runner while you’re driving you yell or honk at them, go ahead, we are actually happy with ourselves.

Are runners crazy? This really depends on who you ask. Any person that does not run on a regular basis might truly believe that runners are 100% crazy. However, most are not crazy; we are just dedicated and really enjoy what we do. I am not saying that all runners are crazy because some really are. I would like to describe us as living on the brink of insanity. Honestly, who gets up at 6 a.m. to go for a morning run and then later in the day goes for another five or six miles?

I am also sure that if you have ever talked to a dedicated/serious runner, you are probably totally confused about running terminology. We use terms like: Fartlick, VO2 max, tempo, threshold, and my personal favorite, intervals. Again, this kind of talk gets people to think we are truly crazy. However, when we talk about running and use these words we give each other high-fives and talk about what we want to do for our next workout. Sometimes, we even talk about crazy new techniques or workouts, or we talk about whom the best runners in the world are and what their PR’s are. It’s crazy that we can rattle off the world records of the 100 meter but we could care less about what the latest football score is.

But to get back to my main argument, the people who are an ass to runners and people who are trying to get a little exercise in just do not realize how dedicated or how much we love what we do. May I add, we do more in the 45 minutes (or however long we are out there) than you will do all day, which makes us a better person in the long run (not morally or ethically, just better fit).

Now to get to the best part, some classic stories of you jerks and me running. My favorite drives in the whole world are old ladies, you know, the ones that can’t see over the steering wheel. I was running down a road, on the sidewalk, and there are side-streets. Well, at this one side street a little old lady was pulling up to the stop sign but I am more than sure she saw me because we made eye contact and she waved me on. So I went, but just as I got into the road to cross she starts going and almost hits me. Shocked and a bit scared, I slammed my hands on the hood of her car and yelled at her because she almost killed me (I may have exaggerated the killing thing). Let’s just say, she was not happy that I slammed on her car.

Another good running story from this summer; I was down a fairly busy road, again on the sidewalk, and there are these teenage girls with those stupid huge sunglasses. Well of course they thought they were funny and started honking the horn at me and yelling at me out the window about my short shorts. I was having a rough day as it was and I was not happy about these girls because they almost killed me as I was crossing a street when the cross-walk said “walk.” They passed me and I caught up to them at a traffic light. I slammed my fist on their window and they rolled it down to my surprise. I proceeded to tell them both that they were fat and they should go out for a run sometime. Again, they weren’t happy but they deserved it.

I have numerous stories about running incidents and this post could go on for a really long time. However, due to space I will call it quits. But, if you would like to hear more stories I will be more than happy to share them with you! Just remember, if you see me running, don’t try to make me mad because if I catch you at a light, I will hit your car!